Sam's Tavern Bloody Mary. Epic Garnish, Bacon Deliciousness.

Pretty Little Liars is basically a story about hot, young teenage girls being lying, cheating liar phonies. Sure, it's also a story about four teenage girls trying to unravel the truth behind a friend's mysterious murder, all while being tormented, blackmailed, and generally harassed by a sadistic anonymous enemy named "A." But really, when you get down to it, it's actually just a swirling suburban vortex of lying madness where everyone gets away with, well, murder. And hey, I guess it works, because there are 96 episodes of this nonsense currently streaming on Netflix. So why am I telling you this? (1) I am neck deep in 75 out of the 96 episodes with no signs of stopping this terrible television addiction any time soon, and (2) bloody marys can often be pretty little liars. The fine folks at My Big Fat Bloody Mary have taken to calling this "Garnouflage," the act of concealing a poorly made bloody mary with a soaring, over-the-top garnish. Yes, these bloody marys can so often be misleading: the beautiful towering garnish pulsing upward, their girthy stance beckoning you forth, and the dripping juices of only god knows what that caress your glass's rim. It can be so... tantalizing. But it can also be LIES!

I heard about Sam's Tavern bloody mary long before I moved to Seattle. Epic photos of slider-topped Seattle bloody marys graced my Twitter and Instagram feeds, and I knew this had to be one of my first stops in this rain soaked city. Sam's Bacon Vodka Bloody Mary Masterpiece is topped with a slider, olive, onion, tomato, cheese cube, cocktail weenie, celery and a lime wedge. And all that stuff looked and tasted damn good. But this potential subterfuge was thankfully just icing on the proverbial cake. The smoky bacon vodka added depth without overwhelming, and a decent heat mixed well with the savory tomato blend. Balance and consistency made this a perfectly salty companion to enjoy with a big, fat burger (if that slider just isn't enough). In other words, the mix stands on its own, but I'm sure glad to get all those garnish goodies, too.